


her life is a promise broken by fate

by MissMoonshine



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Soft and a little sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25483096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMoonshine/pseuds/MissMoonshine
Summary: ‘It hurts, though, doesn’t it?’'What hurts?'‘That we forget you. That we know less and less about you on every adventure, that we have know idea who you are - it must hurt.’or: Amy comes to realise something horrible and has to clear things up with her daughter
Relationships: Amy Pond & River Song
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	her life is a promise broken by fate

**Author's Note:**

> Set after TWoRS for Amy and after the Byzantium for River.
> 
> This was the first DW story I ever started, so I figured it should be given the honours of being the first one up too.
> 
> Thanks to @noellefray for beta reading, you're amazing!

'River?...Melody?' 

Sleepily, River sat up and turned towards the voice. Amy was standing in the doorway, her silhouette illuminated by the dim light falling in through the window. It was still dark outside and her internal clock told River that it was barley past three in morning. 

Trying to blink the sleep away, she looked at her mother but Amy didn't move, just kept staring at her through the dark room.

'Amy?' River asked softly after another long moment of silence, 'is everything alright?'

Instead of answering, Amy slowly made her way over to her daughters bed and sat down on the edge.

'I didn't know who you were,' she finally whispered and River sighed with relief. This, she could deal with. But Amy wasn't finished. 'I've come to terms with that, you know, that I had no idea you were Mels and that I didn't know who you were when I first met you. But I've been incredibly selfish, haven't I?

Now River frowned and she finally sat up properly, smoothing down the sheets to give Amy a moment to gather her next thought before gently probing her.

'I'm not sure what you are talking about, moth- Amy, but I can assure you, you are the least selfish person I know. Well, apart from Dad, of course.'

This finally put a small smile on Amy's face, even though she had flinched slightly when River had corrected herself and called her Amy. But as fast as it had appeared, as fast was the smile gone again and she shook her head.

'No, I'm really not. I can't...I can't stop thinking about all that fun we had together all our adventures- and I had no idea who you were. No, Melody.’ She bit her lip, eyes darting up to meet River’s. ‘How can you say it’s alright that I looked at you and had no idea who you were? How could you stand that?’

‘Well, to be fair, you were quite amusing when you had no idea who I was, you and dad both,’ River teased, but even to herself, it sounded somewhat flat.

‘But that's just it, we had no idea who you were!’

‘No, you didn’t. You couldn’t have known and Amy, I do  _ not  _ blame you for not knowing.’

‘Well, you should! I’m your mother, aren’t I? Or...well,’ suddenly, she looked so young and lost that all River wanted to do was put an arm around her shoulders to ground her, but that would probably not have quite the desired effect. ‘At least in theory, right? I...I wish I had known, all those things the Doctor said, sometimes, now that I know who he is - who  _ you  _ are, I just want to slap him for it. And hug you, because it must have been terrible for you, and I’d like to be there for you, like a proper mum, but -’

‘Amy,’ RIver interrupted gently, ‘who says you weren’t?’

‘But I -  _ OH. _ ’ Amy’s eyes widened as her daughter’s words sank in. ‘Spoilers?’

‘Hmh.’

‘So...I was there for you?’ Technically, the answer was spoilers but then again, River had already given it away - and besides, she wasn’t sure if she could let Amy leave while she was still so upset. So instead she nodded and squeezed her shoulders.

‘You were. Every time. Always are, whenever I come - later you, of course. But even this you, you always care. I know things weren’t easy for you and dad, and it will still take a while for everything to settle in. But Amy, I promise you,’ she smiled, ‘we’ll be alright. No, better. We’ll be  _ amazing. _ ’

Finally, finally, a small smile found its way to Amy’s lips. She looked as if somehow, a great burden had been lifted off her shoulders and with a sudden grin, she pulled her legs onto the bed and flopped down next to River. They always used to do this, sleep together in Amy’s bed, back when River had still been Mels. Perhaps the worst part of the conversation was over, but like this, there was certainly more Amy wanted to talk about, that much RIver knew from experience. 

But she didn’t protest and instead pulled the duvet up so it covered both of them. For a long moment, they laid there in silence, just listening to each other’s breath. 

  
Then, suddenly: ‘It hurts, though, doesn’t it?’  


Carefully, River turned her head to look at her mother but Amy was staring at the ceiling, unwilling - afraid, perhaps - to look at her. 

‘What hurts?’ she asked after a moment when Amy didn’t elaborate, but River thought she knew what she was talking about. After a long moment, Amy confirmed her suspicion.

‘That we forget you,’ she whispered. ‘That we know less and less about you on every adventure, that we have know idea who you are - it must hurt.’

‘It...it does, yes,’ River answered quietly. ‘But it’s not so bad with you and dad. I did it before, with you, as Mels. It’s not so different now.’ She shrugged, an awkward motion lying down. Amy’s hand was sneaking into hers, squeezing it.

‘That doesn’t make it right, though.’ Finally, she turned to look at her daughter, a woman she was still so conflicted about. It was hard, to look at her and not only see River but also scared, running little Melody and Mels, desperate for love and so very lost. At that thought, she had to close her eyes before she could bare facing her daughter again. ‘It makes it worse.’

‘But it’s all worth it.’ Her face might have been calm and impassioned, but there was passion in her voice as she looked Amy square in the eye. ‘It’s always worth it, every moment, every minute I get to spend with you, and it doesn’t matter if you know who I am or not.’

‘Why are you so forgiving? What have we done in the future - the past that you don’t hate us?’

‘You’re my parents.’ She turned, on her side now, gaze fixed on her mother’s. ‘And you have always been - and will always be - amazing parents.’

‘We’re really not.’ Even though she only muttered it under her breath, River heard and it was her turn to squeeze Amy’s hands.

‘Yes, you are,’ she insisted. ‘You have been there for me  _ every time _ I needed you, whether you knew it or not. I know it’s not how a family is supposed to work,’ her voice had gone quiet again, ‘but it’s all I -  _ we  _ got and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the universe.’

It had only been a tiny slip and she had caught herself immediately, but suddenly Amy understood. Everything fell into place now, the little hints and she remembered something Rory mentioned in passing, back in ‘69, before they ran from the Silence.

‘Oh.’ She stared at her daughter, who kept reassuring her when really, it should be the other way around and - ‘ _ OH.’ _

‘Amy?’ River was frowning at her and then her eyes widened when all of a sudden, Amy flung her arms around her and pulled her close, burying her nose in her daughter’s hair. 

‘My strong, wonderful girl,’ she whispered, this time barely audible even for River, who was still more than startled by the sudden change in her mother's demeanour. But she didn’t - couldn’t resist, knowing that her time with her parents would run out sooner rather than later, so she just relaxed and let her mother hold her. 

Eventually, however, Amy did pull back, only to take her face in her hands and just  _ look  _ at River with adoration.

‘It’s easy with us,’ she said, voice clear, certain she was right, ‘because it’s nothing like it is with the Doctor.’

Only for a moment, barely a blink, could she see she had been right, saw the raw pain flashing in River’s eyes before she hid it again, pretended to be undefeatable, amazing, forever strong River Song. But that moment had been enough for Amy to recall every single time she saw the Doctor hurting River -  _ Melody - _ by telling her he didn’t trust her, laughing at her, saying he wouldn’t be there when she called. And those were only the times she had witnessed. The next time she saw him, Amy vowed, she would slap him harder than her daughter ever had because he was her  _ husband _ and he hurt her when all she ever did was trust him.

How was that fair, Amy wondered? Her little girl, becoming this marvelous, amazing woman, only to be pushed away every time she saw her husband because it was the wrong version of him. Because he kept forgetting who she was, because while he was still him, still who she had known, the man she married - he didn’t know her. Just the mere thought of it broke Amy’s heart and she couldn’t fathom how River could possible live without breaking.

‘There’s one thing I’m scared of, mother.’ It wasn’t Amy now, not when Amy had to be  _ mother  _ now, not best friend Amy, not Doctor’s companion Amy -  _ mother Amy.  _

‘Tell me, Melody.’

‘One day,’ River said softly, eyes shining with unshed tears, ‘one day, the Doctor -  _ my _ Doctor - will look at me and have no idea who I am and mother, I don’t think I will survive that.’ A single tear fought itself loose, rolled down her cheek and was caught by Amy’s thumb as she gently brushed it away. Every mother hated to see her children cry.

‘When the Doctor doesn’t know you,’ she stated, eerily calm and reassuring, ‘then you come straight here, do you understand me, Melody? The day your husband doesn’t know you, you come right here, to your mum and dad, and we’ll look after you. And then we’ll think of a plan to get back at that husband of yours for that, with you and me and your dad, we should be able to come up with something nasty, right?’

She smiled when River gave a strangled laugh at that. There was still heartbreak in her eyes, and fear of the one thing that was inevitable in her life, the one thing she could never escape, but somehow, Amy’s words had given her hope again. 

Hope that maybe, just maybe, they would be going on after that day still, that perhaps they could even become somewhat linear, that she would have her parents in her corner as long as they lived. 

When Rory came searching for his wife the next morning, he found them tangled together like Amy and Mels always had been, River’s head on her mother’s shoulder and Amy’s arms draped over her daughter in a half embrace.

Perhaps, if they had known how things would end, he wouldn’t have hesitated to sneak in next to Amy when she waved him over, still more asleep than awake. But they thought they’d have forever - or at least a whole life - to be a family.

The tragedy for the Ponds, it seemed, was that no matter how much they wanted to keep them, some promises were meant to be broken and none of them would ever know until the day they died. 


End file.
